Housebound

At the present, as well as the last couple of days, I've been a house cat. A 'nothing-to-do puppy' (may as well be bipartisan to the pet factions).



Fuckin hell, I forgot what it's like to be stuck in a house with nothing to do. The copious video games + reading + internet have pacified and nullified my mind. It makes me feel slow and gross, like I'm living life by struggling through a mud-pit.



It would be easy for me to escape. I could call up somebody or go out or go for a drive or even just BUY something for fuck's sake! Give into materiealism - it always works! But no, I can't seem to drag myself out of the schlocking quicksand that I've placed myself in. It reminds me of that experiement they did with the rat - where they gave a rat in a cage a button that when pressed released pleasure. The rat pressed the button until it died.



The only difference is there isn't any pleasure. The melancholy takes care of that. It's actually sort of Romantic that I'm feeling melancholic. It seems like such a Reinassance emotion, not really felt nowadays. But of course, it is, we just give it different names. Still, there is a certain charm to feeling melancholic. The only problem is that I can't appreciate it due to the melancholy! Ha!



It's Megan. I miss her more then I should. For the last three months she has been my life. I've seen her basically every day; and when we miss a day, it is a subject of such discussion between us as to how weird it feels.



I'm not going to pretend that I have felt this way about somebody before. She makes me not want to see anyone outside of her. I dont feel like going out with friends, unless she comes along. Not all the time, lets not get too melodramatic, but with much more frequency then I've ever heard mentioned by others.



She seems to feel the same, which is good. But that's the thing about Meg and I - being of similar natures causes me to wonder constantly how much she is feeling me, when she is feeling me, why she is feeling me. I am...hmmm, 'constantly suspicious' seems like a bad way of wording it... lets say 'constantly anyalising'.



Anyways, it's driving me nuts. I want her back in Melbourne